‘Turn right, walk for about two hundred meters, next to the white storied building, look across the road and you will see the place’. That is the best my cousin Brian could do in offering me directions to the Grand Barbecue and Grill.
At my age sitting through a wedding nowadays is no different to asking a three year old to sit still through a one hour sermon. After the twelfth member of the bridal party came in dancing, I was ready for something different but the bride was a close family friend, I tried my best. ‘I present to you the newest married couple in town” that was my cue to sneak out and look for Brian who couldn’t last an hour in church.
The Grand Barbecue and Grill is nowhere to write home about. As my friends excitedly chat seated on a round table that does not look like it would support a soda let alone the three kilos of boiled meat we had ordered, a moment of silence mid conversation gives Brian a chance to ask Pauline, my cousin, why she was not yet married.
Brian had just forced all married men to take cover for a moment. Grown men navigate such topics with tact but Brian who just ended a three year long overdue relationship had to meddle. Who asks a thirty something year old lady such questions?
‘Careful the water is hot’ the lady waiter grinned as she unknowing interrupted us to wash our hands. Talk about rescue. As I sipped the tomato, onion soup and tore through the soft well salted boiled meat I couldn’t push Brian’s question of my mind. Why she is not married.
It’s been six years since Pauline landed a great job and most of her Instagram posts nowadays are atop Mt. Everest, Bungee jumping or Camping in Serengeti on adventure.
“I need a serious guy who is not intimidated by my success and who enjoys the things I like”, Pauline can aim, shoot and hit the target. I pitied Brian. I wasn’t sure whether it was the hot spicy soup that went the wrong way or that Pauline’s statement had just confused his game plan. “Since I can’t find one and I am not interested in having a child out of wedlock, I will stay unmarried”, she added. But she was not done, why should I marry a man who will mistreat me or stop treating me like a queen.
“I could move away from the first part of her sentence, I need a serious guy who is not intimidated by my success. “Do successful women intimidate men?” I ask looking at Claire, Brian’s neighbour, a senior executive at Barclays bank married to a History teacher. I seem to have found her off-guard but she skillfully replies “There is some truth to it. Some men may feel intimidated by successful women due to their own feelings of inadequacy while others find it attractive or inspiring”.
Things have changed. Should a lady then get married when she is a bit naive about life and intoxicated by love or try to when she sees it as it is. There is a price you will pay for lasting companionship either at the start or at the end or always. I somehow understand my cousin Pauline, and she is probably not the only one searching and waiting for the perfect man. Does prince charming still exist today?
I don’t know whether she should wait or just give up. Single-hood isn’t easy…she probably needs to be more open to opportunities. Her Mr. Right may not be packaged the way she thinks. I say this as I say it to myself too….
Giving up is not an option, being more open to the what ifs…
Interesting description of the new alpha woman who knows what she is worth and won’t settle for anything in a trouser just to be ” married”.This means the guys need to up their game to match this new breed of women or become more irrelevant. The position of sperm donor is becoming obsolete and any woman worth the name should not settle for anything less. That’s what I will tell my daughter
Interesting read. I think it is wise for Pauline to wait for the right guy- compatibility is the secret to lasting and fulfilling companionship, and it starts with making the right choice. Getting married just because everyone is doing it, is a recipe for a disastrous marriage. Patience pays. Meanwhile she can do all the mountain hiking and enjoy being single….her time to be a wife and a mother will surely come.
Good article Lenny. My take – There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single. Marriage is great but only with the right person. So to the ladies.. Enjoy your singlehood when you still are, don’t settle for less than you deserve, there’s a great man out there.. – I want to believe – AND Wait on God. He’s the ultimate Match maker!